Tips for Having a Difficult Conversation
Being able to have difficult conversations is a key communication skill for managers and leaders, which, with time and practice, will become easier. While it can be tempting to avoid difficult conversations, when handled properly, they have the potential to be constructive discussions which can help improve team performance.
These tips give practical advice to help handle difficult or uncomfortable conversations:
Prepare Mentally and Emotionally Reflect on the issue, understand your feelings, and consider desired outcomes. Review relevant documents to ensure you're well-informed.
Focus on the issue, rather than the person and stick to the facts. If it is a behavioural matter, then describe the impact their behaviours is having and who it affected. Specific examples are best as it will help put things in focus and switches the focus from ‘you’ to ‘I’ eg I felt disappointed when you didn’t do x because it meant that y’.
Timing – Don’t surprise people, prepare by emailing or telling them there is something you wish to discuss and approach them when they are most likely be receptive (eg not before something important such as delivering a presentation or the end of the day).
Location – needs to be a quiet and private place where you are not disturbed or overheard.
Emotion – don’t let it cloud your judgement, detach from your personal preferences eg don’t use ‘good’ use ‘like’.
Stay Calm and Composed - keep your tone calm and respectful, even if the other person becomes defensive. Take deep breaths and suggest breaks if necessary to maintain composure.
Aware of your body language and theirs – keep yours positive, ensure your voice is calm, maintain eye contact and use open gestures. How is the other person sitting etc as it can indicate how a conversation is going?
Listen Actively and Acknowledge the other person’s point of view - What you have said may come as a surprise to them, so ensure that you allow them sufficient time to take on board your points and allow them the right of reply. Allow the other person to speak without interruption. Show empathy by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing their points to ensure understanding. If appropriate, tell them that you can follow up this discussion at a later date, when they have had more time to consider the subject you have approached them about.
Work together to develop a mutually acceptable solution: ask the employee for suggestions on what they could do to address the situation discussed, then agree on next steps, who will be responsible for them and how/when you will monitor progress. Aim to seek common ground - focus on shared goals and work together to find mutually acceptable solutions. Being open to compromise enhances the discussion outcome.
Offer additional support and follow up. Make sure the other person knows you are willing to give them further guidance and help if needed and give them other support there may be eg a useful website, a course, a team member to help them.
Reflect on the conversation and agreements made. Follow up to ensure implementation and address any new issues. Continuous communication reinforces commitment to resolution.